What Ladies Should Know Her Parents Often Forget To Share!
Ladies Dating Advice, contained here-in, is WISE information to help you negotiate heartbreak and the tricky challenges of dating. Have any of these ever happened to you?
– A guy you’re attracted to turns out to be discourteous and a real jerk?
– You felt sorry for a sad guy, trying to help him, so he asks you out for a date?
– A guy tells you he really likes you, but treats you badly around his friends?
– Months go by without a guy seemingly being interested in you?
This article is Ladies Dating Advice and comprehensive guide with over 60 helpful hints allowing better understand how guys think and what motivates them! As you read, please understand this is written out of sincere love for ladies. We’ve both made many mistakes in our lives, so want to help you avoid the deep hurts and/or scars they caused. (This info was gathered by surveying guys and observation of ladies of all ages. It was written to help augment parental guidance, protect you from dangers in today’s society and help you better understand the character of guys, so you’ll be more attractive in ways besides just the physical.)
Table of Contents
I. Self Esteem #1-2
II. Your Presentation #3-39
A. Hygiene 4-28
– Skin Care #4-9
– Hair & Nails #10-21
– Breath, Teeth & Odors #22- 28
B. Posture #29
C. Clothing #30-33
D. Manners #34-39
III. Turn-ons and Turn-offs #40-47
IV. Understanding Guys #48-55
V. Dating #56-59
VI. The Prime Motive of Guys
VII. Common Sense Benefits to Waiting ‘til Marriage #60-65
So here goes. But first – here’s a word of CAUTION when you’re trying to impress that really cute guy:
You may not want – what you get!
I. Self Esteem
Before we proceed, you need to know You Are Special! God said “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” God created you as a totally unique person. God called your name at the foundation of the earth. You are the apple of His eye. He has a plan just for you! He even sent His Son to die for you, so you could live a happy and successful life.
God said in Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the (thoughts and) plans I have for you says the Lord. (Thoughts and) Plans of peace and not of evil to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I WILL listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with ALL your heart. Later Jesus said: I have come that you may have life MORE abundantly. So smile. God’s in your corner!
II. Your Daily Presentation
First impressions are lasting! It’s important to get ready at home, so you can take the time needed to look your best, instead of throwing yourself together in the car, at school or in the workplace. Being well groomed includes showering, skin preparation, makeup, groomed hair/nails as well as clothes free of lint, dander and animal/human hair.
– Skin Care
In my practice I have talked to many females who think: Some people feel “either you’re born with nice skin or you’re not!” I couldn’t disagree more! Pimples/blemishes result from an infection under the skin, caused by clogged pores. (Believe it or not, it takes about 3 months for blemishes to come to the surface. Just covering blemishes with a heavier coat of foundation just adds to the problem.) So, it’s important to keep your skin clean and exfoliated. Cleansing the skin twice a day and exfoliating at least twice a week (depending upon your scrub) will greatly help.
1- Obviously, scrubs and skin care products can be purchased from your local cosmetic department store cosmetic counter, drug store or discount store. For more problems like severe acne see a dermatologist and/or a qualified esthetician.
2- Your face is really important, but needs to be ready BEFORE going out in public. Some ladies embarrass themselves by applying makeup and “touch ups” in very public places. (Guys routinely make fun of ladies doing their eyes and lips while driving.) It is suggested this be done in private. Here’s a real example:l My husband in a classroom had a mirror above a sink. Upon entering the classroom, numerous girls went to it to check their make up and hair. One cute girl took the opportunity to squeeze her pimples. She didn’t realize the entire class was watching and disgusted!
3- Here’s a principle you can count on: Guys are easily (AND enjoy being completely) fooled! Yes, Hollywood stars use heavy make-up, so they will look great on stage. But, camera tricks are employed so no one sees. However, your friends have you under very close scrutiny. The best makeup is that which no one ever notices.
4- Make certain to blend your foundation so there isn’t a line, especially when applying a different color than your natural skin tone. Guys make fun of ladies with clown “make-up” lines. Frankly, it looks sloppy.
5- Consider carefully before applying heavy eye makeup. Yes, SUBTLE tricks can be used to make your eyes appear larger and more beautiful. However, heavy eye makeup makes you look like you were poked in the eye! Guys sometimes cruelly call it “clown makeup.” Eye makeup like it worn by “Amy Winehouse” may be appropriate for stage, but up close, it’s odd!
6- Falsely drawn lipstick is risky. While your lips appear larger, guys have said “her lips were covered with leftover soup from lunch.” People won’t be able to take their eyes off your mouth – and not in a good way, either.
7- Actually, Guys don’t care how you got so beautiful! My husband says, “We’re just happy you look terrific!” What do they say is a major turn-off? Seeing females apply their “war paint!” Remember:
– Guys don’t want to see your make up!
– Guys don’t want it to rub off on their clothes.
– Guys don’t like the smell of it!
– Guys don’t want to know about it.
– Guys don’t want to see it on your cell phone! and
– Guys don’t want to discuss it.
“We are easily (AND enjoy being completely) fooled! The best makeup is makeup we never notice.”
The point is: Look your best before leaving home. Any make-up you carry should just be for private touch-ups! Remember: With Makeup – Less is More!
– Breath, Teeth & Odors – Cleanliness
8- SMILE! Everyone is better looking when they smile! Some hide their smile because they are embarrassed by braces, but no one else sees it that way. A smile even with braces is very attractive.
9- Guard your breath to keep it fresh. Once I met an extremely beautiful 24-year-old girl who had a wonderful bubbly personality. She confided in me that she very seldom ever had a date. It became obvious to me the problem: Every time we talked, her breath was terribly offensive. This is an immediate turn-off and disqualifier.
10- Brush your teeth at least twice a day. (Advanced Hint: Peroxide on the toothbrush before putting on toothpaste, helps kill bacteria that cause bad breath while whitening your teeth. Don’t forget to brush your tongue. Its rough surface stores odor-causing bacteria.)
11- Keep your teeth free of “plaque. This is caused by residue after eating. Consistent brushing and flossing along with regular dental visits help keep your teeth free of it. Plaque causes tooth decay increasing bad breath.
12- Keep mints or gum handy. (A sweetener like Xylitol is all natural and helps prevents cavities. Regular sugar leaves a bad aftertaste and makes your breath worse.
13- Avoid foods that cause bad breath like onions and garlic especially before a date. Even toothpaste and mouthwash cannot adequately cover up these odors. (Pizza, Tacos, Hamburgers and foods with onions and/or garlic should be avoided before a date. Some mouthwash has a component of alcohol. This can give the impression to teachers and parents that you are a heavy drinker. Once, before my sister’s wedding, I rinsed out my mouth with mouthwash. My Dad accused me of being a drunk.
(Peroxide is very inexpensive and a terrific mouthwash. It not only freshens your breath, but kills bacteria. This sounds extreme, but if you can leave a capful in your mouth for 2 minutes, it will make your mouth feel really clean while whitening your teeth.)
14- Smoking causes bad breath. Frankly, in combination with coffee, it is nauseating. (A high school teacher introduced me to this wretched odor which I’ll never forget.)
15- Many scents are unpleasant beside body odor (B.O.). Ladies don’t like the smell of old sweat in a men’s locker room or guy’s feet. Similarly, guys find the smells of a beauty parlor and make-up, just as revolting!
16- Clothes may look clean, BUT can carry unflattering odors. Certain ethnic foods though delicious, have very pungent odors that absorb into clothes. These may be very disagreeable to some. If clothes smell bad, they’re not presentable!
Example – In an early morning class, a very pretty student raised her hand asking for help. When my husband got next to her, the smell of ethic food in her clothes was overwhelming and nauseating. (This would drive most young men away!) He couldn’t wait to move out of scent range.
Second Example: My husband said “I’ll never forget, my boss saying to me: “How was lunch at Boosters?” I was amazed! “How did you know? I asked. He said, “The grease smell followed you into my office.” (Note: He stopped eating at Boosters.)
Third Example – Our son and daughter worked at family restaurants. Every night when they got home or got picked up, they smelled like cigarettes, coffee and grease. They couldn’t smell it, but we about fell over. So wash (or clean) your clothes frequently. No amount of perfume will cover these odors!
17- Remove stubble and hair from legs and armpits. It may be acceptable in European countries, but to most in the U.S. it’s unappealing! American guys associate this with uncleanliness. This may not be rational, but its how they feel.
18- Don’t borrow or share personal items such as shoes, deodorant, lipstick and mascara. My suggestion is “never do it!” It spreads harmful bacteria from one (or even from their boyfriend) to another. Share each other’s shoes? Look out for “athlete’s feet” and other fungus and disease. (Toenails may carry a damaging foot fungus.) One “highschooler” borrowed mascara and contracted an eye infection from the person she borrowed it from. A university sorority spread “trench mouth” around by sharing lip stick.
19- A little perfume goes a long way. The overuse of fragrance, typical by young men and ladies, makes them an unwanted spectacle. Your goal should be to carry no scent, until someone comes close.
Hair & Nails
21- Don’t hide your obvious assets. It’s a pity high school girls often hide their beautiful eyes with hair hanging down in their face! (Incidentally, teachers can still spot cheaters even through the hair.)
22- Be careful coloring your hair yourself. (This goes for guys as well.) The dye can color your scalp as well as making it not presentable. To remove excess color, wash your hair with shampoo several times.
23- Keep your hair clean and styled. Unkempt or dirty hair eliminates you from many guys’ lists.
24- Choose a hair style that enhances your features. Many choose hair styles worn by current celebrities that may or may not look good on them. Instead, research what current styles are best for the shape of your face. If a current “trendy” hairstyle won’t look good on you, don’t switch to it.
Example: Before making a big hair styling change decision, ask the opinion of people you trust including your stylist, Mom, friends, etc. Going from long beautiful hairstyle to the “bobb,” (so in your mind you can look like a “Spice Girl,”) may not make you look your best.
25- Get a mirror that allows you to see the back of your hair and style it! The back is as at least as important as the front. Beautiful hair seen from the back will encourage guys to maneuver to see your face. Men might not admit it, but they are fooled by seeing beautiful hair from the back, but when encountering the front, they learn it’s an old woman or a guy.
26- Nails should be all one length. Nail or toenail polish that’s chipped or wearing off, makes you look unkempt. (Too harsh? Just say it hurts your appearance). You don’t always have to wear polish, but if you do, it should always look fresh. Remove the old or put on a fresh coat.
Tip for keeping polish on longer: Before applying polish, clean your hands (feet) and nails well to remove oils. Next, use a cotton ball to rub each nail with nail polish remover. This helps the polish adhere better and stay on longer. A base coat with a top coat will help keep it in tact.
27- Your posture is critical to your overall looks! Most girls don’t realize its importance. Instead they mostly concentrate on hair and make up. Good posture not only gives you a confident look, but is VERY attractive. An informal survey revealed guys feel posture is as important as hair to an overall look.
Long ago, I was a choral teacher. To help all students sing better, I told them to stand and sit tall. It didn’t work! So, I told them to sit and stand as if they were hanging by the hair on the crown of their head. Their posture and singing dramatically improved. Amazingly enough, both sexes were noticeably better looking. It’s so simple!
28- Wear clothing that is appropriate for your body type. Be aware, very tight clothing accentuates all your body’s imperfections including thighs, belly fat, wrinkles, etc.
29- Choose your wardrobe carefully. To help you define your style, there are many information sources to assist you, from T.V. and websites to fashion magazines. If you aren’t good at matching colors or selecting outfits, you might need some help from a clothing expert. One of the easiest, most economical ways is to target more expensive pieces (coats, suits and skirts) in a single neutral color such as blue, tan, black, white, etc. (Real skill and money is required to mix stripes and plaids.) Later, you can add less expensive pieces in patterns and colors to accentuate your outfits. This will help expand your wardrobe.
30- What about Tattoos? Yes, they are currently a fashion statement. “You decorate your house, so why shouldn’t we decorate our bodies? I mean, everybody’s getting at least one.” Here are some thoughts to consider BEFORE getting a tattoo:
Tattoos can limit your choice of wardrobe
b) Tattoo figures and designs “clash” with clothing designs limiting your clothing options. Most well-dressed people know not to mix stripes and plaids. Tattoo designs and figures clash with most patterns so you are limited to clothing without patterns.
c) Many tattoos have a color element that may “clash” with other colors you’d like to wear; like red against orange, or orange and purple.
d) Tattoos are unsightly when wearing a wedding dress or a bridesmaid’s dress. Cosmetic professionals report that even at the slowest time of the year, at least 2 weekly requests for a tattoo cover-up product are made. During the Spring season, the requests are nearly non-stop. (Recommended is “Dermablend” including primer and leg & body cover.)
e) As you grow older, tattoos fade, droop and sag making a beautiful rose look like it’s about to “croak.” I encountered an old sailor who lamented the phrase tattoos looked like a smeared mess on his arms. They were illegible.
Tattoos can limit your social mobility
f) Tattoos are seldom associated with classy, sharp people. Beauty queens never have them. (Please don’t confuse Hollywood stars with high society. They are only entertainers.)
g) Some girls get a tattoo on their backs which guys commonly call a “tramp stamp.” Would you rather be treated as a “tramp” or a fine lady? Don’t think ill of me – I’m just asking.
h) Later, they can embarrass you, clash with colors of outfits and even prevent you from gaining employment. (A policeman friend had to have one cut off his arm, so he could get hired.
God made each of us in his image. I’d say you’re pretty perfect the way you are!
f) The Bible explains in Leviticus19:28 where the Israelites were given practical and moral laws, God said: you shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the Lord.
So, before you decide to get a tattoo, consider the long-term implications. My thought is: How can anyone improve perfection – your body? You may regret this decision one day. I’m just sayin’ . . . .
31- Be careful about letting others write on your skin with pens and markers. For some reason school girls allow others to do this. There’s lots of smearing with mistakes crossed out or adapted, so this body “art” looks sloppy and amateurish. Why would you allow another girl to make your skin look ugly? Are they trying to eliminate competition?
There are a number of things I’ve seen while teaching that are very unbecoming.
32 – Applying cream to legs in class. Hey! Others are watching you!!! I acknowledge the necessity of leg cream from time to time. However, it’s best not to do it in public. Find a restroom. How would you like to see a guy cutting his toenails?
33) A girl picking her nose, then covering her face so you couldn’t actually see her eating it!
34) It’s proper etiquette to chew with the mouth closed. This will separate you from less classy females. You many have never thought of it before, but there are right and wrong ways to chew gum. Chewing with the mouth open is loud and noisy. I’ve heard classy people comparing this to a big ol’ cow chewing her cud.
35- Cover your mouth when you yawn, cough or sneeze. Nobody (male or female) wants to see what’s in your mouth or get hit with spray from your saliva glands.
36- Never belch (loud burp). Sometimes this is done as a joke and gets a laugh. However, you forever lose your position as a lady with those who heard it. You’ll earn the same result by cursing, talking about unseemly bodily functions and using four-letter words.
37- I noticed a girl sitting in the front row of class that had just left physical education. She proceeded to apply deodorant in English class by sticking her arms under her blouse. Worse yet, another girl asked to borrow it and applied it from the same container. DISGUSTING! Guys sitting in the back of the room had a big laugh!
III. “Turn Ons” and “Turn Offs”
38- When with a boy, have eyes only for him. I often see girls with their boyfriends looking around at people around them. Other guys recognize this as disrespectful, a lack of integrity and not trustworthy.
39- Eat like a lady, not like it’s the first meal you’ve had this week! Remember, you’re not in a race. How do you eat chicken and French fries? With a knife and fork. Never learned? Start practicing now. It’s difficult, but will set you apart from other girls. TIP: When ordering food, tell your date what you’d like, so he can order for you. Almost always choose something that can be eaten with a knife and fork. Sandwiches sometimes are too large and messy leaving lots of residue on your face and hands. If you’re stuck with a sandwich, remove the top bun and eat the rest with a knife and fork.
40- Don’t talk with your mouth full. First of all, you can’t be understood. Secondly, pieces will fly out of your mouth into your date’s soup. After they submerge, he can’t locate them to remove ‘em. Actually, no one likes to see the mixture of the food and saliva inside your mouth. It’s really gross! Experiment: Fill your mouth with chewed food and look in the mirror with your mouth open. (That’s called see (sea) food!
41- No arms or elbows on the table when eating. Don’t guard your food as if protecting it from wild animals. (It doesn’t matter how bad your date’s manners are. Don’t waver.) Take one hand and place it on your lap while you’re eating, unless you’re cutting your food. When eating at school use the same good manners. Good manners will become a habit and may even help you get a job later in life. (Remember: People are watching much more than you know.)
42- After eating remove the food between your teeth. Go to the restroom armed with a toothpick or toothbrush to make certain your smile doesn’t include something like a piece of lettuce.
43- Are you stuck up? Are you just a little too good for anyone?
Think you’re pretty special? If so, most guys won’t like you. Don’t stick your nose in the air, having a condescending look. Don’t think more highly of yourself than others. This includes thinking you’re too good for anyone who doesn’t have a huge bank account or of your supposed “social standing.” Please realize we are not suggesting you “act” like people of lower social class, just be friendly!
Zig Ziglar once said, “Of all the diseases known to man, conceit is the weirdest of them all. It makes everybody sick except the one who has it.”
44- Don’t swear. Fowl language is a major turn off. It’s embarrassing and shows your lack of intelligence. Come up with better more descriptive words to express yourself.
45- Be courteous and nice to every male, no matter his age – but don’t flirt. Everyone takes notice when someone is nice to them. You’ll get a great reputation and many more guys will respect you. Oh yes, a side benefit! You haven’t eliminated yourself when someone you’re not currently interested in, becomes the hottest guy in town!
IV. UNDERSTANDING GUYS
There’s a long tradition of guys buying a diamond ring for a girl. Then on bended knee, presenting the ring to the girl, asking her to marry him! Why an expensive diamond ring? It’s to show he can support her and give her a wonderful home!
In some countries boyfriends offer to give the father of the bride things of great value such as a dozen sheep, cows or other large animals. Why? It’s to show he can take care of her!
Sadly today, some girls show their desperation, buying their own rings. What are they thinking? If a guy wants to marry you, he should show he can support you! If he can’t support you now, what makes you think he’ll be able to support you later?
Common Sense Thoughts
46- Don’t ever lend a guy money, except in an emergency situation (such as he’s out of gas and you can’t get home). Deep in your heart you should know he’ll never pay you back. If you loan it, just kiss your money and him goodbye. Remember, guys borrowing money from girls show poor character. If he can’t afford you now, what makes you think he can afford you when you are married? Don’t waste your time. Spend your time and effort on guys who prove they are worthy of you!
I’ve met ladies who married poor guys going through “Med School” to become doctors. The ladies paid for everything while their husbands went to school. After graduation, now making good money, the doctors found a new young “thing” ditching their loyal wife who had sacrificed with the promise they’d make much more money later.
47- Make certain the guy has a job or at least is working hard. In the Bible Adam had a job BEFORE God gave him a wife. You can exchange gifts with a guy, just don’t go overboard. TV courtroom “reality shows” feature case-after-case of women who gave money and gifts to their boyfriends. Time after time, the boyfriend dumped his girlfriend and stuck her with the bill.
48- Only allow a guy to treat you badly or disrespectfully ONCE. Sadly, many guys treat ladies poorly – even terribly. We’ve all heard of battered women by their husbands. Are the women convinced there’s a real love opportunity there? There’s an old adage – “Fool me once it’s your fault. Fool me twice, it’s my fault.
Once I saw a young man dragging his date inside a store by the hand in true “caveman” fashion. He barely made it through the door as it was closing. She didn’t – banging her head and side into heavy glass door as it was closing. Ladies deserve better! Don’t allow yourself to be disrespected or abused.
49- Younger men have a tendency to “show-off” and/or forcefully “tease” girls to gain their attention. This includes spinning car tires, loud roaring engines, picking on her, doing rude things in front of her, etc. In their “warped little minds” they think these will favorably gain YOUR attention. If you’re not interested, don’t pay attention. They’ll stop.
50- Be a lady and let the man be a man. I’m not suggesting you avoid weight lifting. It has nothing to do with strength. Just don’t be domineering, pushing him around. (Incidentally, no amount of “nagging” will change him.) If you want change – pray for him! There’s an old joke with some truth in it that goes; “Ladies marry a man hoping he’ll change! Guys marry a girl hoping she won’t!” Both get disappointed.
51- Guys can’t stand incessant talkers especially on subjects only girls care about – hair, nails and gossip! The guy is thinking “Will she ever just shut-up?” (Yes, guys often do the same to ladies. If he does it to you, find another guy.)
52- Don’t be possessive, clutching or clingy! Guys consider this obsessive and oppressive! It drives guys away. You don’t own him and he doesn’t own you. You’re just dating! Give him space and he’ll be attracted. Guys like their freedom, too. The best way to catch a guy is to let him catch you! So, don’t constantly call him. To keep him – gently keep your distance. He’ll like you even more!
53- Work on being a good conversationalist. Guys get extremely frustrated with girls who can’t carry on a conversation! Questions asked may get a “that’s nice” answer. Suggestion: Ask guys “open-ended” (who, what, where, why) questions. Now, they can’t just say yes or no. Using “why” questions forces the other person to answer in more length. Get the guy to talk about himself, then ask why, if appropriate. Example: Did you like it where you grew up? Why? What did you like to do when you were growing up? Why do you like them?
54- Never tell your guy how attractive someone else is. Most men have VERY fragile egos. It makes him feel like he’s your second choice. Instead, build him up. Don’t give him a big head, but just encourage him to accomplish great things. Guys love and need your support (being looked up to) be respected and relied upon. This is a very common need for all men!
55- Dump him quickly if he doesn’t pay attention to no-go zones! Sexual advances are disrespectful and assumptive. Remember, the prime objective of guys – SEX. He may touch your hands, arms, shoulders and back (upper & middle) only. All other places are an invasion of privacy! I recently saw a 13-yr-old boy walking with a girl. His hand moved down onto her rear. She was noticeably uncomfortable. If the girl’s father had been watching, he would have “punched the kid’s lights out!” Don’t be afraid to confront the male as soon as he steps over the line. Stop him in his tracks!
Way back when I was just a young lady, no one told me I was special. I figured as soon as I caught the attention of a cute boy, I would do anything to keep hold of him. I got “stood up,” treated poorly and still took him back. Now, I realize you don’t have to put up with any guy’s bad behavior!
If I had to begin dating all over today, I’d be much more careful. I’d inspect the fruit of his life including:
– What kind of job he has
– Asking what my friends and family think of him
– Watching how he treats his parents and others
– Learning how his parents treat people and each other
– Finding out what his friends were like
Here are additional questions to get answered before accepting the offer of a date. These can save you from a rotten date, help you dress appropriately and even avoid serious trouble! Remember, what happened to Natalie Holloway in Aruba. She got stuck with a murderer! It cost her – her life!
56- Are you attracted to him or even like him? Qualify your dates carefully. Don’t go out – just to go out. If you don’t really care for him, tell him you’d like to get to know him better around school or work.
57- Where are you going? What’s the date to consist of? How should you dress? Where exactly are you going; When should be expect to be home, etc.
If he’s taking you to a “bug tussle,” don’t wear a prom dress. In fact maybe you’d not like to go out with him at all. Don’t go out with a guy who doesn’t have a plan! (“Whata you wanna do?” “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” “I dunno. Whata you wanna do?” “I don’t know, whata . . .” )
Just hangin’ around the house repeatedly, shows that he isn’t concentrating on pleasing you. Hey! He doesn’t have to spend a lot of money on you. He just needs to have a plan. He could always take you for a romantic walk in a park
58- Is he asking you on a date at the last moment? If so, resist the temptation to say yes. You won’t be at your best and he certainly won’t. Yes, I know the feeling of being home on a Friday night. But, don’t risk a bad date.
59- Never pay for a date. (You’ve already spent 10 times more on your clothes, hair and ”make up” than he’ll ever spend.)
60- If a guy likes a certain perfume but you hate it – get it and wear it for him! He’ll be very attracted to you. Remember: You are not trying to attract yourself, but him!
61. Does he treat you disrespectfully? Don’t stand for it! If your date shows up in an undershirt, explain you regret he didn’t have time to dress for the date. You’ll wait for him while he returns home to change.
62. Does he open the door for you and treat you courteously? If not, he’s only thinking about himself. I suggest just waiting for him. Go out to the car, then wait for him to open the door. When you arrive, stay seated in the car until he opens the door for you. When you come to a door, wait outside until he opens the door for you. If he resists this, you’ve done a poor job of qualifying him as a date. Immediately, use the phone and call for a ride home. Don’t worry about your reputation. Make it a “short” evening. Don’t go out with him any more. If He does it once, he’ll do it again!! Eventually you’ll find a trustworthy guy who will treat you like a lady. (You’ll also teach your date to be a gentleman.)
63. Don’t ever aggravate a guy so much he strikes you. Most women are excellent verbal fighters. If you fight a guy verbally, he’ll get frustrated and may exert himself physically. No, it’s never acceptable! If there’s any violence in a relationship, end it now! If you’re frustrated, quit going out with him.
64. I see girls hanging out at malls, waiting to meet guys. (As parents, this worries us!) It shows guys desperation and the girl will do anything to get a guy. My advice: if you don’t have a date, don’t go! Better yet, go out with friends. You’ll eventually find the right guy when you least expect it. Don’t go “hang out.” You are setting yourself up for a very dangerous situation.
65. When you don’t know a guy very well, here’s a great idea. Suggest that you go on a group date. You invite him along with a group of your common friends to go out for a Pepsi, bowling, etc. just to talk. This gives you the opportunity to visit without having to be totally alone with him and find out how he fits in with your friends. (Oh yes, make certain your friends know he is “yours.”)
VI. THE PRIME MOTIVE OF GUYS
By now you understand both of us care for you. Now, we’ll be brutally honest. Please consider this next subject as grandparents’ advice. It is intensely personal. This information all fathers know, but few feel comfortable sharing it with their daughters. Its contents are why Dads usually present very strong opposition to the guys you date. (Hope we don’t shock you too much.)
There’s a real difference between guys and ladies enumerated well by Dr. James Dobson on his “Focus on the Family” radio program.
For the most part . . .
Ladies crave love, so they “play around” at sex.
Guys crave sex, so they “play around” at love.
Since guys have a laser-beam focus on sex. They utilize various techniques to get what they want. In days past flowers, candy, fancy restaurants, presents, poems, etc. were used. Today, many guys rely on alcohol and drugs to break down a girl’s defenses. Guys may pretend to be hurt, cry, pout, tell you they love you, as well as saying that they must try something before they buy it. Remember, their prime objective – sex! As a girl’s defenses are worn down, the guy gets to his main objective.
As your adopted grandfather, let me explain why sex before marriage NEVER benefits you. Yes, I know you have a sex drive as well, but it is not as strong” as the male’s. For him it’s all consuming! Possibly you have heard of pro athletes who have regular sex with dozens and even hundreds of girls. Some have children with as many as 18 different women. Is that what you are interested in? The guy has nothing to lose. He will not be stuck with a baby or 20 years raising the child, nor the hundreds of thousands of $ it takes to raise the child! Think about it. He has nothing to lose!
No? Don’t ever think you can change a guy. “Forgetaboutit!” I’m very serious!
VII. Common Sense Benefits to Waiting until Marriage
A- Marriage although wonderful has rough spots. Sexual intimacy between husband and wife helps marriages get over these very tough times. Also, it builds up men, giving them confidence to battle the rough workplace and succeed. It makes home, a place of refuge from the cruel world’s disappointments and trials.
B – When 2 people are intimate, part of the other person’s personality is exchanged. If your guy has had multiple partners, you are receiving part of his former partners’ personalities. This is a little understood reality!
C- You may pick up diseases that the other person’s partners have. These sexually transmitted diseases can last forever requiring a lifetime of antibiotics, worry and regret. Someone currently studying these diseases, explained “I will never sleep with another woman until I am married.” The risk is just too great!
D- A lady (not diligent) gets stuck with the results; pregnancy, raising & paying for a child alone, sexual transmitted diseases and regret. The guy? He just goes on to his next conquest. Remember: guys play around at love to get to their prime objective. Many ladies, desiring love, are easily persuaded.
Key: Passion and Love are not the same – especially to the guy!
Biblical Reasons Benefits to Waiting until Marriage
Here is what the Bible says about premarital sex and sex with/by someone already married. (Fornication is the word used in the Bible meaning sex before marriage. Adultery is the word used to describe husbands or wives cheating on their mates.)
A – Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. – Hebrews 13:4
B – He who overcomes all, inherits all things, and I WILL be his God and he SHALL be My son. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death. – Revelation 21:7-8
C- For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has ANY inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. . Ephesians 5:5-6
D- . . . adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in the time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. – Galatians 5:19-21
Important – You can be forgiven: If you have done some of these things, don’t worry. Just ask for God’s forgiveness (promising not to do them again) in the name of Jesus. He’ll forgive you! If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – I John 1:9
Get alone in a quiet place and just say humbly, “Father God I come to you to admit I’ve done wrong in your sight. Please forgive me for my sin of (whatever it is). Cleanse me from everything I’ve done wrong, because I want to spend eternity with you. Thank you Father. Amen.
Guys and ladies are wired completely differently. Guys are all about the physical and don’t understand why a beautiful kitchen, bedroom and living room are so important to a lady. Ladies look out the window, see a cute little deer and speaks to it in a high-pitched voice. Guys are different. We look out the window, acknowledge its beauty, then determine to kill it for dinner!
There’s an anecdote of a study done surveying women of what they wanted from a husband. A second study asked men what they wanted from a wife. Look at these contrasts. It’ll tell you volumes about the differences between the sexes.
What women want
1st A beautiful peaceful home
2nd 2-3 car garage
3rd Lots of jewelry
4th A kitchen with a beautiful view
5th Love and affection
What Guys want
5th and bring food
There’ll be many applicants to become your life’s partner. Only one guy should make it through all the challenges by using a combination of kindness, integrity, hard work and common sense. If you find the right guy, he’ll continue to date you after you’re married. You’ll have something all the women of the world will envy.
The ultimate reward will be finding the perfect teammate for you. This dating adventure will help you find someone who will love, respect and work with you toward common goals. Together, you’ll become greater and stronger than the sum of your individual parts and abilities.
Do you have any great dating advice or tips of your own? Email us back. We’d love to hear them!
If you’d like to see Advice for Young Men click here
The authors Jim B.M.E.A., M.M. and Diane L.C.,T.L.M.S. raised 4 adult, married children in a Christian home. Diane is a licensed beautician and Jim an experienced teacher, businessman and performer.
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