Being a Mother is no Game
As long as I can remember, I wanted to be a Mother. I’d get up in the morning, get my baby doll out of the crib and dress her, feed her and put her down for a nap, then get ready for the day. It was all part of my routine. At lunch and dinner I repeated the process and got her ready for bed.
I grew up in a Boston suburb as the youngest of 4 children. Naturally, I’d spend most of my day playing games with kids in the neighborhood, but I devoted much of my time to my baby doll. I saved money and bought doll clothes, baby bottles and accessories at the “5 and Dime”.
Not surprisingly by 20-yrs-old I was married. At 25, I had a 2 and 3-yr-old. The realization now was, I wasn’t playing house anymore! I felt a heavy responsibility. How in the world was I supposed to mold them to be people of integrity, good character, wisdom and make right decisions? I only had one chance at parenting and wouldn’t see the results for 20 years. If they didn’t turn out right . . . it was my fault.
This responsibility was amplified when my husband who had been a teacher for 14 years, moved into the business world. His company was 2-1/2 hours away so he left Monday, stayed in a rented room all week and didn’t return until Friday night. I was totally responsible for over 100 hours. There I was alone – acting as both Mom and Dad – 5 days a week – every week.
Fear as a Mother
During this time I developed the strangest fear – a fear that oppressively gripped me. (As I’m writing this, I realize now how ridiculous it sounds, but fear is a peculiar thing. What you are afraid of somehow makes perfect sense.) Starting as soon as I put the kids to bed the fear became intense.
Now, all I could think about was “what if I had a heart attack or something bad happened to me during the night and I died? What would my kids do?” They were too young to use the phone or answer the door. It would be 24 hours before my husband would figure out something was wrong and come home. Over and over and over, it played in my mind. What would my helpless children do? Who would help them?
I decided if I didn’t go to sleep, I could be on guard all night and wouldn’t die. So, I just stayed awake doing the laundry, cleaning the house, even sewing curtains, clothes and made bathrobes, etc. I finally would nod off around 3:30 a.m. figuring nothing could happen in a couple of hours. (I told you my fear was ridiculous!)
Around 6:00 a.m. I’d hear, “Mommy, I’m awake.” I’d jump out of bed with relief that I had made it through another night. So, I’d take care of the kids all day, but with that underlying fear always present. It was very oppressive. I kept this fear all to myself, not sharing it with anyone!
Each weekend we went to hear our pastor at a Presbyterian Church. His sermon centered on the book of Romans for an entire year. He was on the subject so long that we’d comment about it with our friends. “He just can’t get out of the book of Romans, can he?” I was clueless to what was actually being preached.
Late one night in tears and exhausted, I remembered something the Pastor had said after he read a scripture out of Romans. “What this is saying is – at some point in your life you have to let go and give everything over, your job, spouse, kids and whole life over to God. Let Him take care of things. He can do much better than you!”
Out of desperation, I did just that! I asked God to take my life into His hands and help me be the kind of wife, Mom, daughter and friend that He wanted me to be. I fell into a deep sleep. From that day the fear was gone and never returned. Later, we had 2 more children, my husband traveled for years, but that fear never came back again.
Something happened to me when I prayed that night. Change took place. I could feel it. There was no physical change, yet I knew something was different. What my pastor was trying to get across to us was we all need a Savior. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. From that day forward I began to read the Bible and found that what I thought was just a history book was actually a lamp to my feet and a light to my path – Ps 109:15.
I found in Matthew 11:28 – Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. And I Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
What peace, joy and comfort these verses brought to me. I realized, I wasn’t doing it all on my own. I had the help of the One who saw the whole picture. What happened to me is I became what the Bible calls “Born Again.” John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. Also I Cor 5:17, Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold new things have come.
Thirty-one years later I can tell you my life has never been the same. All four of my children are grown, married, leaders and have wonderful spouses. (I really couldn’t ask for better children.) Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
Action a Mother can take
God really loves you and wants to be part of your life. If you would like to discover how stress-free life can be by asking Jesus to be your savior, just say this prayer out loud from your heart. The Bible states in Romans 10:9: If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.)
Heavenly Father, I come to you, knowing that I am a sinner. I ask you to cleanse me of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross to take away my sins. I also believe that He rose from the dead so that I might be forgiven and made Righteous through faith in Him. Be my Savior and the Lord of my life. Take my life and lead me in the plan you have for me. Thank you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!